Tip: Complicated family dynamics are just one of the many challenges you might be facing after the death of a loved one. If you need help with those challenges, as well as prioritizing bost-death tasks, check out our post-loss checklist. When your spouse dies, it seems as if everyone is waiting and watching for your next move. Time does not erase the past, nor does it wipe away the love you still have for them. When deciding to move forward with your life, there are some key things to know:.
The following guide may help you to determine if and when remarrying is right for you, but also things to look for and consider as you figure out your next steps. Know that there will be some sure-fire signs when the time is right. That time is influenced, in part, by how the death occurred - whether it was sudden and unexpected, or a result of a long illness. This type of loss can be one of the most painful experiences and the pain may never completely go away.
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Family Caregiving. Leaving AARP. Got it! Please don't show me this again for 90 days. Cancel Continue. Thank You. Every member has started the healing process and is not as vulnerable, overwhelmed, and lost as before.
The extremely volatile emotions have subsided. This might be a good time to speak to the kids, especially the older ones. Be honest and open about your fears of spending the rest of your life alone. Tell them that you were also twice and even thrice as scared, confused, and even angry as them during the death of their mother or father. Explain, life has to move on, and this is your way of also trying to be stronger by having another go at an opportunity of being with someone else.
Open communication plays a huge part in these situations. These honest and raw conversations may hurt but they can also be the catharsis that you and your children need. You have to consider the existing debts of both parties and discuss payment terms. Again, this is entirely an agreement between the two of you, especially if the existing debt came into place before your marriage. Whatever decision you arrive at, ensure it is mutual and taken with a lot of thought.
The big talk on finances is something that all couples have to go through. Some would prefer to keep their financial accounts separate but it is wise to have a joint account set up for shared daily expenses along with individual personal accounts. This might also help assuage any fears you may have of putting all your assets together in one account.
Updating your will and documents are necessary, especially if you plan to have children together or have some profitable plans and investments in the future. As far as having a prenup, this is a discussion that should be settled and agreed upon between you and your future spouse. With two families involved, new traditions can be created, and holidays would be a gathering of different sets of families. Family traditions that were established before are events that can still be continued.
Some even celebrate their departed spouse's birthdays, especially when there are children, and it poses no issue at all. Family traditions and holidays should serve the purpose of binding family members together. This is not a light decision and takes careful thought and planning to make certain that it is the best solution for both of you. Both partners should be ready and willing to work on the details, discuss the pros and cons, and be prepared for any compromises the move would entail.
You should consider factors like whether the house you plan on moving into is conducive for kids or pets, the job opportunities, the neighborhood, etc. Lending support and compassion when a family member is considering remarrying after losing a spouse is important. Here are a few things you can do to help them with making the decision that is best for them. So, rather than coming down in judgement, put yourself in their shoes.
Considering marriage after the death of spouse is not a crime or immoral. It is instead a massive leap of faith; one that requires tremendous courage after the pain and the loss. Hear and understand without judgment.
Just open your ears, heart, and mind as they voice out their fears, anxieties, and plans for the future. Your loved one came to you because of the confidence and trust he or she has in you. Be attentive and keep an open mind. As much as you can, empathize with the situation of your family member. Maybe the deceased was your child and you may find it equally hard to accept the fact that their surviving spouse wants to move on. But, show your support by being there when they need someone to talk to.
Understand that this is a big step for them too, and sometimes all they need is some reassurance and kindness. Share their joy of being able to find happiness again and understand the apprehensions that they have. This will help you create a better bond with them, one that will endure despite the absence of the person who brought the two of you together in the first place.
Sometimes, you might need to keep peace of mind aside and be prepared to ask the most challenging questions. As the bereaved spouse, being asked the same questions or being asked some tough questions might be difficult no doubt. But these questions might make you consider things you never thought of before.
If you are confident about your decision, these questions may just reaffirm what you feel. Else they might open your eyes to things you may have overlooked but are no doubt important for the success of a relationship.
Marrying a widow or widower is not an easy task. So, ask tough questions that need answering like:. These questions may seem probing but will help your family member validate and feel confident about their decisions. They may also be an eye-opener for them.
Of course, having them have hesitations is not the goal, but it's best to have these apprehensions addressed as early as possible, mitigated, and resolved before marriage.
Your family member will come to you not just because they trust you but because they are confident that you are honest enough to share your feelings and talk to them. Do that. When they ask you how you feel about the idea of them remarrying, then tell them your honest feelings. If you are happy and excited for them because you feel that re-marrying will positively impact everyone and it is the proper thing to do, then cheer them on.
But if you also have some qualms about it yourself, tell your family member about it but say it without any hostility, judgment, or outward rejection.
Share with them situations and experiences that may have caused you to be uncomfortable with the future union. Amidst this, ensure that you make your loved one feel that no matter what their final decisions are, you are there to support and accept and that it is always their best interest that you are after. A pastor or counselor may be better able to help them through this time. They can offer the additional guidance, support, and professional advice that your family member seeks along with some direction and enlightenment for the soul and mind.
Life is not intended to be easy. Sometimes it might get more challenging and may even break you, like the death of a beloved spouse. Below are some challenges that can come up after remarrying:.
The guilt of moving on after the loss of a spouse is more during the initial weeks and months of the new marriage. If not addressed in time, it can create tensions in the new union that may eventually cause it to crumble. They may find it difficult to accept the new partner wholly, without any resentment or negativity and this can lead to tensions in the new union. The disapproval of a close-knit circle of family and friends may also cause a lot of strain on the new marriage.
Expect and accept that your remarrying may not be taken positively by all your family and friends. While you may not need their approval, having their support can make it easier for you and your spouse. Attempt to find out reasons for their disapproval and have them meet your new partner, but remember, you cannot please everyone, and that includes loved ones.
Entering a union means living together, and one of you would have to move out and move in unless both of you plan to purchase a new property as you start a new marriage. If one of you already owns a house, buying a new home is impractical, and deciding on the house that is to be the family home can be a source of disagreement. Remember to compromise and adjust where possible for the greater good. In any relationship, there should be zero room for comparison.
It is not only rude and unfair but incredibly hurtful. Live in the present without involving people who have already passed on. Here are some of the more common and frequently asked questions when it comes to remarrying after the loss of a spouse. There is no timeline when remarrying after a loss of a spouse.
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